11 Steps to
Realizing Your Adoption Goals Every Time
Everyone has goals, whether we know it or not.
We have goals to save for the future or to travel, buy a home,
a new car, or to purchase items we need and want to make our
lives more enjoyable. And the majority of us want to start a
family and as Christians, having a family to share our faith
with is the most important thing of all.
Where ever two or more of you are gathered in his name…there
An important distinction between people who succeed at adoption
is that they have faith in their desires, are very intentional
in their steps, and are focused on their goal. Many prospective
adoptive parents look and fantasize about adopting but do little
to move past that point. While it is advisable to do research
before moving on to adopt, there are many who don’t move any
further to complete what they have started. Fear is often the
Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid...for
the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not
fail thee, nor forsake thee.
Successful adoptive parents know that the timing, planning,
and dedication to completing their adoption goal can make its
achievement much easier and smoother. As with any goal, there
are basic steps that must be taken to attain the desired end
result. Those who have gone before know it takes time and patience
and following a concise plan to realize adoption success.
There is a time for all seasons under heaven…
Here are 11 important
steps to a successful adoption:
Prayer is one of the most important steps
you can take. Have faith in the Lord Jesus Christ to find you
the perfect child for your forever family. Your child is out
there. Waiting. In God’s time, you will find her/him. Be patient,
have faith, and remember, love conquers all.
goals are SPECIFIC
To reach your goal of adoption, your brain
must know exactly, and precisely, what you are trying
to accomplish. Never state your goal with vague terms like “some
day I would like to adopt” or “in the future” or “maybe we will
adopt”. Be specific! If you want to adopt a newborn within two
years, then specify those exact details. If you want to find
an adoption professional this month and start the process, be
exact. Your brain can help you accomplish almost anything if
it knows precisely what you are aiming for.
Reachable goals are SIMPLE
Many people describe their adoption
goals in ideals that are complex and may conflict with each other,
i.e., we want a child from our surrounding area that looks like
us and is born in the summer when school is out and of a birth
mother with no expenses and . . . The list goes on and on. Any
ONE of those things is a great goal, but the combination becomes
overwhelming, difficult, and the brain gets confused. If you
want to adopt a healthy infant, just say so! If you want to keep
birth mother expenses down to under $1,000, say so! Keep your
goals simple, clear, and focused.
goals are SIGNIFICANT
No one can muster the enthusiasm,
hard work and courage to go forth and adopt if they don’t want
to adopt 100%. A successful adoption goal is one you really,
REALLY want! It’s something that will change your life, enhance
your family, and fulfill you. It gets your energy flowing, gets
you up in the morning, and keeps you going all day long, because
it is important! Set adoption goals that you feel are worth achieving!
If your spouse is not ready to adopt, the chances of success
are reduced and it is not fair to bring a child into a family
that is not completely devoted to adoption and raising this child.
goals are DELIBERATE
Successful adoptive parents
know that the best goals accomplish many great benefits, all
at one time. Adopting will almost certainly: (1) Feel great!
(2) Be the start of completing your family; (3) Enhance your
life forever; (4) Provide opportunity to share the love you have
with a child; (5) Add a new member to your family; (6) Build
patience; (7) Cause you to view parenting in a new light.
Take the time to describe how adoption will impact the many
areas of your life. You’ll have more reasons to move forward
toward your goal and more excitement when you do!
6. Your adoption
goals must be reachable and MEASURABLE
without a measurable outcome is just a pipe dream. You can’t
achieve a pound of “happiness” but you CAN become a parent. If
you call adoption professionals every day for a year for information
or attend weekly support meetings religiously but you don’t apply
some of what you have learned, you will not get anywhere in your
adoption. Someone has wisely observed that, “What gets measured,
gets done.” Define your goals in terms of time, expense, and
time willing to dedicate to the process. Then measure your progress
until you achieve your desired outcome.
goals are REALISTIC
To reach your goal, you will need an adoption
plan, a path, and a vehicle for getting there.
Your goals must make sense! When you explain them to friends
and family, your goals should create excitement and draw support
and encouragement. Your goals should be just out of reach, but
not out of sight! You want to stretch to be your best, not strain
after impossible dreams. Set realistic goals you CAN and WILL
achieve if you stick with it! More families fall short of this
one secret, that is, don’t give up and don’t slack off in what
you need to do to reach your goal.
goals are TANGIBLE
You need to be able to imagine seeing, hearing,
smelling and holding your child. Go for things
you know are realistic and that you can clearly visualize. The
brain has a hard time going for “someday we will adopt a child”,
but it can visualize a healthy child under 12 months old. Define
your goals in terms that excite the senses, and then go for it
with all your heart!
goals are WRITTEN
Successful adoptive parents know precisely
what they want, because they’ve written it down.
Often, they write a short description of their goals every single
morning, as a personal reminder of their priorities and their
objectives. They do what they must each day to achieve this goal,
such as working on their adoption profile, filling out their
home study paperwork or making the doctor’s appointments for
physicals. The act of writing your goals down vastly increases
your chance of doing what is necessary to move closer to your
successful adoption. Write it down! Then, keep your notes where
you can see and read them every day, and take a step closer to
that goal of adopting.
goals are SHARED
We are far more likely to stick to our adoption
plan and reach our goal if we know our friends
and family support us and our plan to adopt. Being part of a
group of people with the same goal increases our determination,
our stamina, and our courage to keep going. Caution: Never share
your goals with anyone who may ridicule, belittle or discourage
you from adopting! The world is full of doubters and you have
no time for them. Find a support group, a group of successful
adoptive parents, and others who have succeeded who will encourage
you every step of the way. Successful adoptive parents count
on and confide with others who have the same goal! Too often
family members are unfamiliar with the way adoptions are conducted
today and have only been educated by the media and the fear of
adoption. The truth is that the majority of adoptions go through
without incident or problems.
adoption goals are CONSISTENT WITH YOUR VALUES
One of the biggest
reasons people fail to achieve their adoption goals is that
they have conflict between what is valuable to
them and what is realistic. Do they perceive adoption as rescuing
a poor child or as a gift from one person to another? Is a child
not of your body as valuable in your mind as a biological child?
Whenever your values and your goals are in agreement, there is
no stopping you! Clarify your values first, and then set simple,
specific, measurable, tangible, written goals that are consistent
with those values. You will achieve adoption success, every single
give up, and remember -- There is a child for you!
Committed to Excellence in Adoption Education
by Mardie Caldwell C.O.A.P.
Founder of Lifetime
Center in 1986, Radio Talk Show Host for Lets
Talk Adoption, Executive Director for Lifetime
Adoption Foundation and Author of AdoptingOnline.com -
Your # 1 Internet Adoption Resource Guide. Mardie has also authored numerous
articles on Christian
adoption, parenting and financing. She is also an adoptive
married with four children. You may reach Mardie at www.MardieCaldwell.com for
Children are a
gift from God.
below for more Christian Inspiration
for Each Other
His unchanging plan has always been to adopt us into His own family...through Jesus Christ. Ephesians 1:5 NLT